SEPTEMBER
SEPTEMBER 1ST 1999
I was hauled in front of the court
welfare officer for my account of recent events. Vera agreed that the ‘at
risk’ stigma is damaging and that it has lengthened the court proceedings and will always rear its ugly head and thwart
any future desires I may have to work with children. Even she believed that if
we’d just had the fire there might have been a conference but the kids would almost certainly not be registered. She offered me a glimmer of hope that she feels my repugnant ex has dropped his residence
demands because he hadn’t mentioned it to her during his interview. I informed
her that Gareth deceives everyone and that no matter what he says or what he doesn’t say, he has no intention of dropping
his residency request – ever.
It was a warm sunny day yet the whole
building was, appallingly, centrally heated to such intolerable levels that all windows yawned open!
On our return, teeny terrors from
up our road sneaked down my drive and slung mud and rocks. It was a completely
unprovoked attack. I vomited fury at them and they scarpered, delighted at my
reaction.
SEPTEMBER 2ND 1999
After tea the same kids and the lad
that I’d walloped off my wall with a big stick came around hurtling rocks and messing with my bin. I called police but they didn’t bother fronting up. At
about 8.00 pm the imbecile nitwits came back to lob more missiles at us.
Again police didn’t bother showing up. Later I heard the little
cretins in my back yard, so I barged out with a metal bar but they’d hoofed it.
I found red paint on my kitchen window and door. Again I called the clown
cops but was feebly informed that they’d been down my road, saw no conflict, so had driven off. I named the culprits but they said that it’s all quiet on my road now so there’s no problem. They ignored me when I urged them to visit the parents and play hell otherwise this
nonsense would just continue and I’d be forever calling out police….
I saw a bleak documentary called ‘Eyes
of a Child’. One in three kids live in poverty – three times as many
as in 1978. One in eight kids have ‘behavioural’ problems by the
time they are three. One in three fourteen year olds has tried drugs. Britain locks up more kids than any other country. Kids
commit more than fifteen thousand crimes daily. A teacher is physically attacked
in school daily. Social workers don’t bother with the troubled/troublesome
kids and don’t bother providing them with an education…. The kids are crying out for the government to crack down
on things that are wrong such as corruption, crime, drugs and alcohol so that their parents stay good. One little girl said, “If you have a good parent and a bad one, the good one turns bad.” Says it all. And Blair bangs on about
a ‘moral’ crusade!
SEPTEMBER 3RD 1999
Linzi and I got together for a chinwag. She’s in the midst of her divorce proceedings but her ex is not happy about
it and is already being a b…. d, pulling the kids out of their private school and hanging on to their luxurious pad
while she has to live as a pauper in a rented flat. I told her to fight for the
house especially as she has the kids but she doesn’t care about such materialistic things and just wants to be free
of him. Typically, now he’s going through the ‘grovelling’
routine and bombards her with letters of remorse, red roses, invitations out for candlelit dinners and the best wine….
It’s a very familiar story!!!
SEPTEMBER 4TH 1999
The numskulls turned up again taunting,
waving sticks and catapulting rocks. One stung me on the leg. That did it. I gave chase, waving my eight foot stick, not
caring who I clouted and where. I’d decided that if the police question
me I’d tell them that I was being threatened by those thugs with GBH and that I’d just reacted in self-defence. It is not child abuse since they wouldn’t leave on my orders and they just continued
tormenting me with weapons. Police can’t hack real problems, they prefer
to fill in forms, take umpteen statements, make empty promises and blame everyone else for their failures. All they want is their fat pay cheques and to hell with what’s going on around them. Well the police hierarchy will have a hell of a shock when they find that they and their families are victims of violent crime. And it will
happen – it is a certainty.
SEPTEMBER 6TH 1999
The coco clowns Deb and Mo came to
bend my ear again. They were twenty minutes LATE too! I was largely asked to repeat the same things discussed at conference, then the idle natter shifted to
considering what is acceptable for kids aged almost ten and eleven to do alone. Mo
did another U-turn and is now saying that the kids should only stay half an hour maximum in the park [previously she’d
said an hour was fine.] Blimey most kids that age [and younger] spend all day in the park. Is she suggesting that all those kids are registered
‘at risk’? When I was eleven I worked in a hotel during the holidays
and when I was twelve I was regularly responsible for my neighbour’s two-year old daughter. I’d take her out most Saturday afternoons for more than three hours.
Were we more mature as kids than today’s youth? It’s got to
the stage where I’m terrified to let Andrew and Shell do anything alone for fear of being reported by the devil’s
disciple and getting into more trouble with the authorities. I told her I’m
so close to falling off the tightrope and that I certainly do not want to find myself prosecuted for something and in court.
I’d always believed that you
shouldn’t wrap kids up in cotton wool and that it is healthy for them to just explore and play without adult intervention. But now I’m of the opinion that I need some clear guidelines in writing from social services on what is considered acceptable for my kids to do alone, where they can do it
and for how long. Mo said that I’m not allowed to leave the kids playing
in the back yard but that it would be acceptable if it was just for the time it takes to drop the babies at church and return
as long as I left the back door open but locked the inner kitchen door. She was
not prepared to put this and other recommendations in writing though because if anything did
happen to the kids I’d be prosecuted. Yet if my kids get hurt/killed
by known thugs/vicious dogs that the authorities fail to deal with, they’re immune
from criminal charges!
My future position working with kids
is also hazy. Graham Seale tells me the ‘at risk’ register won’t
affect my job, another official tells me it will. No one will put the facts down
in writing. This is my work we’re talking about here. They’ve got
no right to snatch it from under my nose. Am I a prisoner/slave with no rights? It all stinks. The majority of us second-class
citizens lead a perilous existence. It is just a matter of luck how long you
remain alive in the jungle.
Afterwards dad again hinted heavily
that I should stop antagonising and should get along with the authorities. But
again I insisted that I have a voice and must use it. I told him that if I didn’t
speak my mind my insides would get all knotted up and I’d be physically ill.
SEPTEMBER 7TH 1999
The government’s ‘get
people back to work’ crusade was discussed on the radio. Many phoned in
to say women who stay at home with the kids are treated abominably by the government and are classed as underdogs. But the truth is parenting is very demanding and extremely important work and many shirk their responsibilities. It’s about time mere mothers were given recognition for their admirable achievements
when they bring up their brood successfully.
It costs fifty pounds a week to ‘educate’
a child in a state school. Since I’d be entitled to free school dinners,
free uniform and heavily subsidised ‘educational’ trips for my kids if they were in school, I reckon I should
be paid one hundred pounds per week at least for doing the State’s job. [My
pay should be increased to two hundred pounds when I begin educating Jordan and Melissa also.]
In addition I should be compensated for their failure to educate my children satisfactorily. Not to mention the compensation due for being on the receiving end of council corruption…. But since
that’s never going to happen, I shouldn’t feel guilty about receiving my state benefit pittance. In New Zealand the State pays parents to home educate their
kids.
SEPTEMBER 8TH 1999
Talk
Radio covered the scandal of innocent people finding themselves charged
by police for offences when they were merely trying to protect their property and family.
All the callers spoke about themselves stopping a potentially violent situation or running out with weapons to remove
thieves and trespassers. BUT it is always the victims who end up arrested and
chucked in jail…. and the criminals run off laughing their socks off - to re-offend.
It is outrageous. We householders have the right to use ‘reasonable
force’ against these criminals; but hang on, what exactly constitutes ‘reasonable’ and is the bunch of bone
idle buzzards creeping around, pinching all the silver and other worldly goods acting ‘reasonably’? Are we supposed to politely tap on an intruder’s shoulder and say, “Excuse me, would please
give me my things back and then wait here for the policeman?”
The NHS say thirty six million pounds
would be saved if everyone had a dog. Oh please!
Their logic is that people would be forced to walk more and would thus be a lot healthier. Rubbish, those dogs would cost the government more. Most would end up as strays because the owners would soon tire of the four-legged thing in the porch/shed,
on the end of a chain…. The mutts would end up defecating everywhere and threatening pedestrians and….
SEPTEMBER 9TH 1999
I did something today that I never
thought I would. I ruthlessly removed the bulk of mum’s ornaments into
a box – for sale. I decided that I hate dusting, I need the space and I
need the cash.
The government are threatening to
sneak the “importance of marriage” into the school curriculum. Oh
for gawd’s sake!
SEPTEMBER 10TH 1999
I received some encouraging words
from two publishers. At least I haven’t received any letters unopened labelled
“return to sender.” The strange thing is though my A4 sized packages
both arrived opened. They were haphazardly torn open and no one had made any
attempt to re-seal them. Perhaps it was just a coincidence and they’d got
ripped as the postie shoved them through the letterbox. Two other letters –
one from my solicitor and one from my building society arrived sealed. I hope
this doesn’t mean that the letter sent from a publisher that says “yes” is somehow prevented from being
delivered to me. I decided I was being paranoid.
SEPTEMBER 11TH 1999
Some sly git shoved superglu into
my yale lock. More expense, more time wasting, more anger and frustration….
I would so love to just up sticks and clear off somewhere – far away from here.
Andrew got stuck into his maths. He remarked that he’s so happy that he doesn’t have to go to school cos
when he was there he had to behave badly just to survive as just about the whole school were naughty and stupid. Forty percent of secondary schools fall below the required standard – and that’s the official
statistic! It’s pretty grim.
Jordan simply refused to use the loo. Every time I attempted to put him on he screamed and tensed up. My bone idle ex can’t be bothered to make sure Jordan uses the loo – he finds it easier to
just shove him back in nappies. It’s not surprising Jord is confused and
angry about using the toilet now. But do the courts care? Do they hell.
So Robin Cook announces an embargo
on arms to Indonesia. Bit ruddy late isn’t it? - By about twentyfive years.
SEPTEMBER 13TH 1999
I watched a deeply disturbing, heart-wrenching
documentary about a fifteen-month old baby who died because social workers at Islington council failed unforgivably in their
line of duty. The parents were unimaginably despicable in the way they lived
and abused their children. They were given a new house, new equipment and cash
yet they trashed the lot almost immediately and lived in the pigsty of their own making.
The older children occasionally gave a filthy bottle of sour milk to their little brother when they remembered but
the little guy was so weak and badly burned all over from his own urine and faeces that he couldn’t reach up for it
and he died whimpering. Astoundingly, after the baby’s death, social workers
strongly considered placing the older children back with their wicked parents. It
defies belief.
Robin Cook offered his son Peter the
chance of a high-flying job in the arms trade. The Foreign Secretary planned
to use labour party contacts to seek a graduate post at British Aerospace, the firm at the centre of controversy over UK arms
sales to Indonesia. But Cook’s son, a long standing anti-arms activist,
refused on principle. Well done, Pete.
Your father is a self-serving hypocrite – gracing the world stage taking credit for assisting Kosovar refugees
on ‘moral grounds’ while selling Bae Hawk jets to Indonesia to assist in the carnage of E Timoreans.
SEPTEMBER 14TH 1999
My solicitor wrote to me enclosing
a letter from Amphletts who stated that they had “brought your letter to the attention of the court welfare officer.” Amphletts also “suggest that if you have strong concerns, you write to the court
welfare officer expressing the same….”
I felt quite chuffed cos I slipped
into my size twelve shorts with ease. The diet/exercise plan is at last working.
A radio discussion on the Royals cropped
up. I think they are a wealthy, privileged, dysfunctional family who cost a mint
and do the public no good whatsoever. I do not serve the Queen and am most certainly
not one of her subjects. The only
good un they had amongst them was Diana and they got rid of her. They killed
her because she was honest and decent. The rest are such fakes. Diana genuinely did her best to right so many of the world’s wrongs and improve life for the impoverished
and suffering. In the doing she was shunned by the royal family but greatly admired
by ‘her’ people; so much so that she stood head and shoulders above the rest [literally, and in more ways than
one.] God worked through Diana and for that reason Di will continue to plague
the royals from beyond the grave. They didn’t really think they could silence
one of God’s angels when they plotted to kill Diana, did they?
Maureen is a cheeky monkey. She’s now discussing me with my dad as if I’m a
four year old! She told dad that the next fire we have could be fatal. No, you
don’t say! Jesus any fire can
be fatal, an electric shock can be fatal, falling [even stepping] off a ladder can be fatal, choking on a boiled sweet….
Does she actually expect any of us to believe that they care about my kids? She asked dad if I am a good mum and if I do live in a rough area…. All she
has to do is enquire with the police [on second thoughts those lying crooks would probably tell her that there’s never
any trouble on our road.] She should just stand one night at the top of my road
and observe. But she wouldn’t dare because she probably already knows that
it’s a no-go area and she’d be scared of being hit by a flying rock. Haven’t
these social workers got any proper work to do?
SEPTEMBER 15TH 1999
Some yobbo has hurled white powder
in my yard and on my door and wall. Don’t those dimwits have anything better
to do?
Maureen showed up to antagonise me. She was adamant that the fire was deliberately set, so we got embroiled in a battle
of words. She argued there is no question of the fire being accidental and that
the ‘experts’ had proved it. “On the contrary,” I retorted,
“those so-called experts have proved nothing. The police - CID’s Chris Walsh was determined to have us registered at the first
conference when there was no information available at that time from the fire authority.
Walshie couldn’t wait to thrust his eager little hand into the air when the Chair asked for votes. He reminded me of the smug little schoolboy who is always first with his hand up, eager to tell the teacher
that he knows the answer. I watched him more closely than the others. I could see he was itching to get us registered. There has to be something sinister going on. I
don’t care what you say; all this is the work of some secret criminal set-up and Gareth is at the centre of it and is
being protected, by the authorities.” I continued, “Of course the
rest of the dummies dutifully followed suit and priggishly voted their ‘yes’ for us to be in this obscene predicament. All except two – Eva and Pat.”
Mo continued to insist that the fire
was started deliberately. I said, “This is so wrong. It was such a tiny fire. We did everything correct as far
as getting everyone out was concerned and calling the fire dept immediately. If
the public get wind of this story they’ll be too scared to contact the authorities
if they suffer something similar, for fear of being blamed. Most would probably
try to tackle such a fire themselves. I can’t explain to you the shock
I feel at the panel’s attitude and how much stress we are all under now because of it.
I now suffer the constant worry that my abusive, alcoholic, violent ex could quite conceivably get custody of my babies
and I am terrified of anything else untoward happening because I know it will mean my kids being removed into ‘care’. Having a fire is absolutely horrendous but all of this is just as bad, if not worse. It is persecution. Don’t you ever
try to tell me that all this is doing my kids some good.”
I bulldozed on, “What I want
to know is why aren’t the authorities doing anything about the problems in our street, such as the intolerably high
levels of Cocaine and Heroin, which is sweeping sleepy Colwyn Bay? Not only are
these dirty disgusting drugs responsible for most of society’s crime, but more and more victims are becoming hooked
on the deadly weed. It is outrageous. The
powers bang on about their ‘war on drugs’, well if they were serious,
our airwaves would be saturated with adverts and chat shows telling us about the dangers of taking them. I’ve never seen such warnings. They would also be targeting
the smugglers and dealers and Mafia. The complete flow of drugs and even production
can be stopped if that is what governments seriously want. It CAN be done; if
nations can successfully organize armies to go to war against each other, they can successfully deal with the drugs problem. The truth is Satan’s servants are liars; they don’t want to stop the masses
spending their money on drugs. And the more people that they can get hooked on
such filth, the better.”
I continued, “The council spend
lots of dosh putting little ol’ me through HELL. They employ you and Deb
to torment me weekly with up to two-hourly sessions, they employ you, Deb, Noella and Anne to pester me monthly with your
useless core groups, they employ a psychiatric social worker to bug me and a special psychiatrist to waste my time, plus they
employ another specialist psychiatrist and his side kick to harass my kids, and not content with all that, they employ twelve
or so highly paid professionals to gather around a table periodically to discuss ‘proceedings’. What a scandalous drain on the public purse. They should be
using that money to combat crime and clean up our streets of drugs. They’re
going to have to explain themselves to the public one day because the people will revolt and they will refuse to pay their
taxes. They won’t care if they get lobbed in prison for it; around half
of all prisoners anyway are not criminals, they are political prisoners or victims of injustice. The council WILL be held accountable and WILL have to answer for their crimes one day in the not too distant
future…. Don’t you realise that if there was no corruption, people would have hardly any tax to pay anyway.”
Maureen then made my day by informing
me that she and Deb are only half way through their ‘Comprehensive Risk Assessment’ due to various snags. She insisted that two of them need to visit me weekly but that it hasn’t always
been possible because she or Deb have been absent due to: leave, hols, sickness, Deb’s child being ill…. I grunted,
“I have no choice but to put up with all this nonsense; but one day I’ll have my say. I’ll never let it drop. The overwhelming anger and sense
of injustice eats away within me, like a growing cancer. This sort of ugly control
freakery cannot be allowed to continue. There must be some big changes and there
WILL be. GOD will decide when.”
She then started asking me if I have
‘support systems’ and that she wouldn’t want me to be feeling ‘isolated’. I told her not to bother pretending to be worried about me. I
said, “I don’t exactly have much time for me and to do things that I enjoy, such as sport or having a night out
with friends. My time is wasted because of you lot, court welfare officers, solicitors,
local yobbos, idiotic adults, savage dogs and ineffectual police…. Now, my court fight with my intolerable ex is more
complicated and is dragging on because of your peccadilloing. But, for your information,
you can write down in your note book that: yes I have friends and squash buddies…. and if you nitwits would leave me
alone I could go out and enjoy them, become relaxed and happy again and a better mum to my kids. Don’t you realise that this intrusion is not healthy for me and doesn’t exactly put me in a
brilliant frame of mind?” Well, she jumped on that, didn’t she and
asked if I needed social services’ assistance – someone to take the kids off me occasionally to give me a bit
of a break. I barked, “No chance.
Not in a million years. Do you think I’d trust you lot? Hells bells,
I can’t believe you people. I’ve heard it all now. You’re just not listening, are you? If I just dropped
dead now, you’d still be coming here bothering me and blabbing on about nothing whilst everything around you has gone
to rack and ruin. You know, Hitler was allowed to continue his murderous campaign
because people had their heads stuck in the sand. They thought his behaviour
wouldn’t affect them, and when they did finally realise that they too were going to be victims, it was too late to do
anything about it.”
She began bugging me with questions
that I’ve answered repeatedly before, such as: What’s Andrew’s middle name? Were you married to Gaven? Bloody incredible! Astonishingly she even began to preach that I shouldn’t blacken Gareth to the kids. I boomed, “Oh yes I should – I’m no pretender like you people. Andrew and Shell know all about Gareth’s lies and wicked ways.
They deserve the truth and will never get it from the likes of you. It’s
high time that all the agencies/individuals who purport to be members of the ‘welfare’ and ‘justice’
system stop the lies and cover ups, and condemn and punish the evil ones. It
is scandalous that public servants buck pass and seek to make their jobs easy rather than solve society’s problems. It is a disgrace that they try to find an ‘equilibrium’ and that they’re
fond of fudge up, compromise and appeasement. Everyone should be doing their
bit to stop the spread of evil, which means bringing to book the real offenders. Better
still let’s see the ‘ordinary’ people challenge the corruption, which is endemic in society. Let’s see mass demonstrations and demands for transparency and public scrutiny of ALL dealings regarding
all governments – local and national, and all government agencies. Then
we might start seeing justice and peace.”
Mo was adamant that my including the
kids will have a damaging effect on them and that I am influencing them negatively.
I barked, “You lot have put my kids in this obscene predicament. The only thing I can do for them now is to explain
that they have done nothing wrong and are not to blame and that the police and fire ‘experts’ should not accuse
Andrew. If I didn’t talk about all this and explain where the blame really
lies, they WOULD crack up and go off the rails. That’s what happens to people who suffer an injustice. They go insane in the end. Kids should know about corruption;
then they can do something about it. If I’m sinning in my outlook, then
the likes of you are far greater sinners. You, yourself, are committing a crime
against humanity because you refuse to challenge your guilty superiors. Instead
you work for them - you are on their pay roll; also you urge me to help you spread the evil.
You do that by persecuting me and by asking me to lie to my children.”
I informed Mo that her daughter/sister might one day date the likes of Gareth and that afterwards she’d want
all the help she could get to expose him for what he is and have him punished. She would also want to expose the bent bureaucrats who are his protectors. Maureen did have the decency to agree. She went quiet and
just nodded. I tried to get her to understand that this is not about revenge;
it is about doing the right thing and stopping the rot – for everyone’s sakes.
And that means attacking the people at the top of the tree – the ones with ultimate responsibility for the destruction,
degradation and dehumanisation that our world is in right now.
I again banged on about the dirty
drugs and baccy scandal and said that I fear for my children’s futures. I
told her that I’m terrified that my kids might start taking weed and other dirty drugs etc when they’re older.
They are bound to at least try it because it will be pushed on them, just as
it is with all the other kids. I banged on about all the evil influence out there
and the amount of kids who are already addicts and heading for the gutters…. I
said that no matter how good parents are at parenting, they are powerless to stop their kids trying harmful substances because
kids are influenced from their peers. You can’t wrap teenagers up in cotton
wool and keep them indoors. I reminded Mo that it is the duty of the authorities
to clamp down on the dirty drug business. But Maureen’s ‘concerns’
for my kids’ welfare didn’t stretch that far. She wasn’t listening. She just wasn’t interested in the wider picture - in the things that really
matter.
She then progressed to the alterations
of the minutes that I’d requested and informed me that Graham Seale won’t agree to it because he says that whatever
was spoken in the minutes was correct. I retorted, “Which goes to show
that those meetings should be taped because there are inaccuracies such as the reference to Andrew’s ‘diaries’
– he has no diary and I made it clear they were my diary notes.” She
also informed me that they’d chased up the identity of the so-called friend of a friend of Gareth’s but that they
cannot disclose it to me. Bloody liars, did they hell. I spat, “Well bloody surprise, surprise! No prizes for
guessing why! Social services surround themselves in a shroud of sinister secrecy. It’s staggering that we allow our public servants to operate in this closed
way. You don’t need to be a bright spark to work out why such organisations
are a sordid safe breeding ground for corruption. The truth is social services
simply cannot deal with, do not have the resources to deal with and don’t want to deal with the real problematic families
and evil buggers like Gareth. Just like the CSA, they can only cope with decent
meek families who volunteer information – the very people who don’t want/need/deserve such authoritarian harassment.
It seems to me that they waste grotesque amounts of the public’s money on persecuting and suppressing the peaceloving
harmless and law-abiding - the ones who love their children and only want to protect them.
Social services do the exact opposite of what they’re supposed to stand for.
God bless the day when people in their droves refuse to co-operate with
officialdom. They can’t lob us all
in jail. And especially God bless those who challenge officialdom and bring
to book the evildoers.”
When my aggravator had gone, Jordan
planted himself behind me and rolled his tennis ball up my back. Oh it was a
heavenly massage! I told him to do it again.
It was quite ironic when I read in
the local rag that “foster carers are to be paid fees in a new scheme by Conwy County Council because of the crisis
faced by the local authorities in finding sufficient numbers of foster families.”
That is atrocious since there are oodles of fit and proper carers out there willing and able to do the job but who
are turned down for petty reasons. And, worse, there are perfectly suitable people
willing to do the job but are deliberately and mischievously prevented from doing so for no particular reason other than spite.
SEPTEMBER 16TH 1999
The Core group crowd came to cause
me more inconvenience. I kicked off about the scheduled 6th October
conference arrangements pointing out that since Mo and Deb hadn’t finished their program of harassment and the psychiatrists’
hadn’t exactly started theirs, what was the point in all of us gathering around a table to discuss something which hasn’t
exactly progressed anywhere, especially since their bit of circus entertainment is a waste of everyone’s time and the
taxpayer’s cash. Ah ha! I
won a little victory. They all agreed with me and Mo decided she’d try
to get the session postponed. Anne mentioned that eczema is cause for concern
and that it is a factor that determines whether a child is registered. That’s
another lie but I couldn’t be bothered arguing the toss. We got yakking
again about corruption and injustice and the evils of the world and I said that I wasn’t getting at any of them per
se and that my anger and frustration is directed at society’s systems, the money priests and bent bosses. I told them, “You are mere puppets in the scheme of things – meekly obeying your masters. I obey a higher boss who knows all about truth and lies, good and bad.”
Melly woke up, did not want to socialise
with the people in my lounge and buried her face into my neck. They all remarked
that she’s shy. What does this word ‘shy’ mean? In my book it means you don’t want to talk to someone for a variety of reasons. Everyone feels this at different times. It doesn’t mean
you’re scared of someone – it just means you’d rather not bother with somebody [or more than one body] because
of the mood you’re in sometimes. Eventually they all sodded off.
Later dad and I argued. He said I must stop filling the kids’ heads with spirit talk, that people who believe in God are
cranks and that all kids are liars. He said, “If Andrew did start that
fire, I jolly well hope he’s learned his lesson.” I told him that
he should not accuse on a mere whim and that these social worker gangsters are succeeding in bringing us all to blows. I said that I can’t prove that we didn’t start the fire and they can’t
prove that we did and that the whole stupid situation is stagnant and getting us nowhere.
He again said that I should be careful what I say to Mo and co and again warned me that the way I’m going, I
will lose my kids. I asked, “Do
you want me to surrender? I have a right to speak out against this farcicalness. How else are we going to achieve changes? We
have to challenge the authorities. It
is long overdue for the worm to turn.”
In the evening Andrew told me that
God says that I must now back off from attacking the authorities. He said, “God
told me to tell you that you’ve got your message over. Now you must change
tactics - become mild, play their game.”
He continued, “God says: don’t bother getting all angry anymore.
Shouting, screaming, throwing yourself around is all negative energy and does you no good. God says such behaviour is for the under fives and that you need to keep your cool in order to do the job
he expects of you and has entrusted you with.” I’m so shocked and
confused with events so far that I found myself staring at him open-mouthed and then meekly nodding in agreement. Quite often, when I speak to those in authority, it isn’t really me speaking anyway. It’s as if I’m being taken over by something and the words just tumble out. I start off by behaving myself and being like dad wants me to be but then something happens and I just
change and then there’s no holding me back. I just let rip. I can’t explain it really.
SEPTEMBER 17TH 1999
Dad showed me the envelope that birdbrain
had sent his twelve pounds monthly payment in. It had a two pence stamp on it! The archfiend won’t set up a standing order because he has every intention of
defaulting.
Dad then asked me for a copy of the
first two or three months of this diary so that he can show my manuscript to his writer friend. Apparently this friend has had some success as a writer and knows what agents/ publishers et cetera are
looking for with a view to taking on new writers. This bloke is prepared to give
me some advice. Well, that’s mighty decent of him. I’ll take all the help I can get, especially as it is so hard to get work published.
Vera’s second ‘welfare’
report arrived. It states almost immediately that we had a fire and that all
four of my children are now on the “Conwy Child Protection register under the category of risk of physical harm.” Oh terrific. This is going to go down
like a ton of bricks with the court. The welfare officer writes, “The fire
on 20th May was brought to the attention of the social services department by the fire service who also referred
the matter to the N W Police. It would appear that having dealt with the minor
kitchen fire, the fire officer became concerned by comments made by Ms Kilby about the supernatural happenings she had been
experiencing.” So there you have it in black and white – fire fighter
Brian is my betrayer and the reason we now have to endure this relentless witch-hunt.
Summut told me I was making a big mistake entrusting him.
Fair play Vera says that his nibs
makes spurious and unfounded referrals and that his watching and apparent knowledge of my every move is considered harassment.
Vera also writes, “It is Mr Williams’ perception that Jordan and Melissa do not wish to return to their mother
and that this leads to arguments at handovers.” Lying b…. std. I don’t bother arguing with the evil-minded little man anymore. Anyway I daren’t; it’d only provoke him. I take
the babies and shut the door in his face, leaving him complaining to himself. More
often than not tho, sometime during the day or evening on a Thursday or Saturday, one or both of the babies is upset, whingy,
clingy, hyper, destructive….
She enclosed a copy of the police’s
input, which states, “The police attended to domestic differences between or emanating from these persons; suitable
advice was preferred; there were elements of exaggeration on both sides.” Well
that doesn’t paint a very honest picture. The truth is their so-called
‘advice’ was merely buck-passing to solicitors. They should’ve
instigated harassment charges. Chief superintendent L Davies’ way of dealing
with a menace like Gareth is to threaten the victim with ‘bound over’
charges! And I did not exaggerate about the annoying behaviour of Gareth and
his vengeful family. The report continues, “Mr Williams chose to resign
of his own volition having been advised that the parties difficulties and continued involvement of the police in their differences
was not compatible with the role.” Which would imply that the police do believe me and support me, and if that’s
the case why the ‘bound over’ threat? If they are taking Gareth’s
allegations against me seriously, why didn’t they query his complaints with me?
They didn’t; which suggests that they know he’s lying; yet whenever I called police out regarding him,
they responded, so why wasn’t such acknowledged in their report? If he
was a good special constable, and if he enjoyed his job and they valued him [and the police are certainly crying out for staff],
then why would he be asked to resign? Supposing I am the liar and he isn’t harassing and stalking me. If that
was the case it would be astonishing that an innocent man had to resign. Also, why do authorities hide behind vague terminology such as “parties difficulties”? The fact is I am the only one experiencing ‘difficulties’ because
Gareth Williams is making false allegations about me and is harassing me yet the
powers that be refuse to stop him; they prefer the easy option of remaining neutral.
What a cop out. Gareth has no ‘difficulties’. We’re not damaging his house, snooping around his yard, lying our heads off about him to: NSPCC,
Social Workers, Police etc etc etc.
Vera adds, “Ms Kilby and Mr
Williams are actively involved in collecting evidence which they hope will denigrate the other in the eyes of the court which
is unhelpful and focuses their attention away from the children’s needs.”
Again this is a neutral, incorrect comment. The facts should be stated
and sides taken. I am forced to collect ‘proof’ of his blatant lies
and I’m fighting to keep my head above water. In my case it is sink or
swim whereas he is just being a bloody-minded troublemaker. My attention is always focused on the children’s needs,
which is why I’m desperately trying to limit contact with their alcoholic abusive father.
She writes, “Ms Kilby’s
parenting ability is being looked at by social services. The court will be concerned
that the fire incident is largely unexplained and risk of future problems while the children are in their mother’s care
cannot be discounted. Mr Williams’ parenting ability is not in question.” How bloody outrageous can you get? By
now social services’ records on GW’s older children [referrals which were made by head teachers of three schools]
should be revealed in detail on this court welfare report for scrutiny by the court since the father of those children is
also the father of the two children in question now. If any of these so-called
‘child welfare workers’ really cared about the welfare of children, they’d be falling over themselves trying
to get social services’ and Nia Smith’s [the EWO] records on Mr Williams’ older children. Also they’d be harassing the head teachers of the three
schools demanding further information in detail. This is especially so since GW is not willing to disclose the information himself
i.e. to prove to everyone that despite investigations into his alleged abuse of his children he has been found not guilty and is therefore a good parent. Since
he is not prepared to let us see the official reports, we can conclude that he has something to hide. That makes it all the more reason why the ‘child welfare workers’ should insist on their disclosure. Why the reluctance to get to the truth? I have a sneaking suspicion that if the boot was on the other foot and I had been investigated following referrals [especially since some of them came from school head teachers] regarding
my suspected abuse of my children, the reports on such would have been available for scrutiny by all and sundry long before
now!
Moreover why is it not stated in this
report that the so-called ‘burn’ concern, which was mentioned in Vera’s first report, was in fact merely
common infantile eczema as stated in the conference minutes? She states that
I’d do well to comply with social services instead of resenting their involvement.
Well she can go take a hike. Anyone with an ounce of self-respect would
kick up a stink under such circumstances. Vera does acknowledge that my abominable
ex told her that he has me “watched” and that his behaviour is making matters worse, which may have a knock on
effect on the children. But she says, “Neither Ms Kilby or Mr Williams
appear willing to accept responsibility for the situation and they should work together for the welfare of their children.” Which gets back to the point that he is
the trouble-shooter and begs the question how can you work with someone who lies and engages in criminal activities?
Vera concludes with the remarks that,
“Contact is benefiting Jordan and Melisa.” How on earth can she be
in a position to pass such a judgemental and influential remark? I know how unsettled,
insecure and problematic Jordy and Melly are because of contact with Gareth Williams. If Alcoholics Anonymous divulged information to the court about his alcoholic dependency,
if Social Services in Gwynedd and Conwy came clean with their disturbing knowledge of Gareth’s violence and abuse of
his children, if the Police were honest about their knowledge of Gareth’s criminal activities…. the Court would
agree with me that any contact with such an unsavoury character is a further unforgivable abuse.
I was amazed to hear a discussion
on Talk Radio about external examiners bending the rules with marking to give kids
a more favourable grade. Some examiners resigned in disgust. The SATS tests are a joke because teachers help their pupils out.
No one takes SATS seriously since most kids cheat. Many parents phoned
in to say that lots of university graduates are illiterate. Teachers and their
assistants state that school kids are failing at reading/writing and numbers and that GCSEs and ‘A’ levels are
worthless. Sobering thoughts. The
discussion progressed then to some bright spark from the ‘education’ department insisting that there is no evidence
to suggest that smaller classes are more beneficial. Oh for heavens sakes. If this is the mentality of our ‘experts’ then God help us. How about the evidence of common sense?
SEPTEMBER 18TH 1999
Over breakfast Melly abruptly stopped
everything that she was doing, began to concentrate in earnest, went red in the face and made little noises. After a few seconds she broke into a huge smile, said “aaah” and continued with her cornflakes.
Just as I was about to go off on my
regular jog, I noticed a handbag abandoned by my wall and the contents strewn all over my drive. Some poor woman had lost her prize possession. Amazingly nothing
appeared to have been stolen because I found her license, make up, comb, keys, letters, photos and even fifteen pounds in
cash. I promptly handed it in to police.
When I opened the door to greet my
babies after contact, Jordy was [as usual] in a hurry to come in. I noticed GW
giving him a sharp tug by the hand. He’s done it before. I’m sure he does it to make pud cry so that he can claim that Jordy doesn’t want to come home. As he passes Melly to me he says, “Sorry, you’ve got to go back to your
mum.”
SEPTEMBER 19TH 1999
A documentary about the CSA reveals
the shocking truth that the CSA admitted giving up chasing hard targets. They
pursued easy prey – people they could extract cash from and [worse] they
demanded obscene amounts off willing payers just to recoup losses and reach targets.
They had a shameful secret change in policy of dropping all non-profitable stuff.
Maybe that’d explain why I have only received one letter from the CSA regarding my despicable ex and why I haven’t
yet received a solitary bean off him, yet Jordy is now two and a half years old.
SEPTEMBER 20TH 1999
Alistair Darling prattles on about
causes of poverty. That’s a bit like querying the causes of crime! It’s called dishonesty and greed of the filthy rich i.e. the top ten percent
of the population and the injustices they cause others. And if Darling and his
cabinet cronies can’t grasp that, they should stop claiming their hefty pay packets and go on benefit.
SEPTEMBER 21ST 1999
John Owens told me that despite Vera’s
views we can’t use her as evidence against the beast for harassment charges. He
keeps telling me this is all “part and parcel” of the family court proceedings. [I bet that wouldn’t be
the case if I was the guilty party though! Here is a situation where a
Welfare Officer believes GW is harassing me, yet we can’t use her evidence. I’ve
read in the papers that some blokes have been jailed for cases of harassment and yet there has never been any mention that
a welfare officer or social worker or other professional considers the man’s behaviour to be harassment; the evidence
was just that the bloke made a few unfounded referrals, together with other minor things, such as that he made a few nuisance
calls to his ex, had driven down her road a few times…. Owens also tells me there is bugger all I can do about him reeking
of alcohol during contact sessions. So he could be drunk as a lord and the message
seems to be “tough.” Regarding social services’ records on
his kids, John told me that Amphletts stress that it was only a matter of truancy, which was resolved. “Yeah right – and the rest,” I hissed, “If that was the only problem then why not
reveal them? He has nothing to fear and nothing to hide and neither do Gwynedd
County Council.” John assured me that we’ll order them through the
court on Tuesday next. I asked about the fire aftermath photos from CID. John is puzzled as to the delay. I’m
wondering if he did request them or if he is lying to me. He agreed that with regard to my ‘Comprehensive Risk Assessment’, social services are making
a mountain out of a molehill since they seem to be doing very little regarding their so-called assessment.
Mel’s eating habits are atrocious. I’m just glad her granddad never comes for tea – he’d be depressed. With her it’s a case of ten fistfuls with the left hand and one spoonful with
the right. Then she slyly picks up her half-full bowl and sneakily slings it
over the side! She and Jord are really into carrot cake at the minute and gobble
up seconds and thirds….
Little Jamie Bulger’s parents
are in the European Court of Human Rights fighting for justice. They have been
through hell and back because of evil Venables and Thompson. This tragedy is
an extreme example of what eventually happens when kids [and adults] are not stopped in their wrongdoings. All child offenders start by indulging in little pranks which they get away with, so they get more daring
until they turn out to be downright dangerous. They know that the police won’t
stop them, that Jo Public can’t teach them a lesson, that social services are useless and that courts merely slap them
on the wrist and send them back out on the streets to re-offend. The way the
world is heading, evil will triumph because there is nothing to stop it. The
authorities are aiding and abetting evil. It is so hard to fight for justice
and so easy to just give up. I love to hear stories of the worm turning where,
after much perseverance, the victim eventually wins and changes for the better are achieved.
Unfortunately such stories are becoming less and less frequent. Nevertheless,
God bless all the people who do battle for years [lifetimes even] for justice, because their fight is everyone’s fight.
Why all the hype regarding the millennium
dome? Who really gives a fig about that bloody big monstrosity? The seven hundred million quid could be better spent elsewhere. And
who really cares about a new year/decade/century/millennium anyway? What’s
different? Nothing; except more pain and suffering and death for more and more
innocent people. Anyway January 1st 2000 doesn’t even constitute a new
millennium, January 1st 2001 does. Since when have we started a new
decade at the start of the tenth year?
Andrew and Shell bought some balloons
for their science experiments. They began blowing them up but when a couple went
bang, Jordy got scared, jumped on my lap and cried, “Bad baloo.”
This afternoon a PC [1302] came to
my door to play hell with Andrew for stealing and injuring a valued horse at some stables in Llysfaen at the weekend. He started wagging a finger at Andrew and he began to sternly reprimand my son, saying
that the vet had to be called three times…. I was so livid my blood began to boil.
This seemed to be a repeat of the PC 939 farce and the CCTV fabrication, where on both occasions Andrew was undeservedly
incriminated. I cut him short and demanded to know exact details: When did it
happen – the day, date, time? What exactly happened to the horse? What was Andrew feeding the horse? What
did Andrew steal? Where are the stables?
Did police see the injured horse? I told him that I have a strong suspicion
that we are talking about the stables that back onto Gareth’s back garden and that Gareth is behind this seedy little
set up somewhere.
PC 1302 was quick [too quick for my
liking] to assure me that this has nothing to do with Gareth. I said, “It’s
a bit strange that police didn’t query this with me at the weekend.
